Friends no?

I am leaving for the burn Friday night. I haven’t thought much about it actually, I’m just going to let it happen… and it will be the craziest adventure of my life. 

 I’m bummed that I have no one to hang with there from home or from my first burn (I never seem to get into their camp on time) I know sooo many people who told me they would go but once summer comes they just don’t.

Honestly, I just want to meet one person who can keep there commitments. Not even all of them but even just 75 percent of them. Obviously there are some things you can’t commit to, but people commit even in these cases. I get so frustrated by un-motivated people who just talk about doing things but never actually do them and by flaky people who say they are going to do things until something better comes along for them.

I am riding to Nevada and camping with Jake, which will be fun, but he has so many friends there that he isn’t very attached to the camp he is in. There are other people I don’t know yet camping with us as well who could be fun, and Jake’s girl friend who is nice. I’m a little worried however, about the darker side of the burn that I often find myself drenched in but it will be crazy and unpredictable and beautiful regardless.

I remember going my first year with Dutch, who invited me two weeks before hand when I kept whining about how much I wanted to go. I had to miss school that year but he told me the story of how he missed eighth grade because his parents decided to buy a sail boat and sail from Detroit to the Bahamas and such exotic places. Fuck it, I went! It was so awesome because first of all the entire camp was full of amazing (community oriented) people who don’t go to the burn just for sex, drugs, and drinking (which is all fun to a point). Not to mention that Dutch was amazing, for many reasons but one that stands out in particular now is how no matter what you are doing you feel absolutely safe if he is around. This isn’t because he is big and strong, it is just the sense he exudes. I guess it is how much he lets you trust him, or his utter security with himself, maybe it is just the unnatural size of his dick, I don’t know, but you just feel unnaturally safe when he is around. I felt this way with Hassan too, but to a lesser extent for various reasons I won’t go into. I just love driving around with people like this, looking for some place new and exciting to go or just going home watching a movie and smoking hookah.

The thing about my kung fu friends is that there are a lot of red principles mixed in with green values, it is sometimes like this in certain high school cliques as well. There is just a sense of honor and commitment that shines through our love for one another and we would do anything for each other, I mean not in the mundane kind of way like “get me a fucking soda”, but it the I’m going to push you out of the way of a bullet even though I might die kind of way, or if my friend doesn’t have money to eat lunch or fly home to see their dying father, I will help them out to my own physical limits. Not because I feel obligated but because how can you not? Granted, I would do these things for most people but there is no question in these cases. I always thought this was normal, but as I make more friends I see that I was wrong, and it’s kind of sad. I obviously don’t have any expectations around what people do, but there is a clearly different attitude or orientation felt in their relation to other people and their friends.

 Anyway, I’m hopefully going to be back Tuesday (a week from tuesday mind you), at which point, I prey I will still be in all the classes I signed up for and all my teachers will tell me I missed nothing. Considering it is my last semester and I really want to graduate in three months…

Though, I am also freaked out by this fact. My plans were basically to stay at II but now as II is planning to start paying people, they actually want people to be qualified. I have never even interviewed for a job in my life so obviously this is a little unnerving. I feel like the entire direction of my life has been altered by how much I love integral institute but now questioning that puts me to a place of utter confusion and lostness.