Burning man

Burning man

Burning man

nipple

nipple

ass fuckers...

 

Okay, please forgive me, this is going to be very long winded and when I'm done I probably won't want to edit, even for your enjoyment. You do get a sheepish grin and a wink though   = D

 

Burning man is an amazing place, I am so in love... with the playa, with the energy and lights and music, the community and my camp. There were too many people, 47000 was the number I heard and I wonder what this exponential growth will bring. It is hard not to feel protective of an event when it means so much to you. I've been to regional events but it is just reminiscing and excitement about burning man. Burning man is unique because it isn't a hippie fest like Dreamtime; it is fierce and you can be who ever the fuck you want! Usually when people are given this freedom you actually see joy and trust develop, you aren't afraid to give of yourself like in the default world and it is liberating in the fullest sense of the word. I want to be fierce and passionate all the time, I just hope I can bring that back into my life as I embark onward, looking for my first "real" job and deciding how I want to live fundamentally. Oh, and I do plan on going to Toast this year, I had the best camp ever.

 

It worked out in a strange way, last year after the burn I was fed up with the way Jake burns, I missed the sense of community and creating something that I found at my first burn. The last two years have felt like I was on my own, expecting the burn to give me something that it can't, drugs and meandering lust were all I found satisfying. After last year I wasn't going to return unless I could create a better situation. I sold the burn to my friends I told them why they should go and how it feels, I told them so many times and even with the enthusiasm, I knew they could never really commit to this. They would think about it all year then decide they can't make it.  So it went, and though I purchased a ticket I kept waiting for the right situation to come along. When I found dp's site they looked full and I realized that is where I wanted to camp and as I continued to look for friends I also found out that Dutch was going... the one who brought this world to me in the first place. After two months it was getting mighty close to the burn and I finally decided to email Dp just to see what they would say, Naked Mike is really intimidating to me for some reason, he's such an amazing guy and for some reason speech just always fails and I didn;t think he would want me in his camp certainly not after the snake incident. So I wasn't going to hold my breath and at the same time I was searching for a cheap ticket for a friend I tricked into committing to go if I got him one. Then beyond all odds I found a ticket for him, and dp suddenly needed people, and burning man was coming up fast. Everything just fell into place and became the best burn of my life. This is sort of a long winded, perhaps pointless tale but I am really telling myself more than anyone who happens upon this blog. I'm not one who is big on faith but I need to believe that things will fall into place if you don't question your values and keep pursuing your goals.  You can create the experience that you are looking for in all things and in life, and what could be more important than that?

 

Right so Burning man highlights:

 

Monday there was an amazing full Lunar eclipse, everyone back home seemed to miss it, but it was really quite beautiful. I spent it out at the trash fence, one of my very favorite places (ya ya ya I know what that must say about me). The city was just raging that night, like nothing I have ever seen on a Monday. Luckily, as tradition dictates, I had already stopped to look at the man before going out. On the way back, while sitting on the back of an art car tired as all hell the driver starts making silly jokes about how the man burns tonight and how people are squirting at him, soon the joke becomes all too unfunny when I realized that the man really is on fire. Apparently some asshole decided that burning down a structure under which people and expensive displays resided was a really good idea, and of course the hundreds of people around him couldn't possibly catch him… oi

 

The second best thing that happened on the playa was Thursday when Dutch washed my hair. I went over there around one and they were booked up for the day but Nelson said to come back after they closed and I would be taken care of. I don't know, it is just a hair wash right? No! It is absolutely orgasmic, there is nothing like it. Playafied hair is unpleasant and Thursday is the perfect time to get a brush through it again.  I also went to a Colorado burner party at playa go round with a full on thanksgiving dinner. I got to talk to Dutch for a while which was nice and always seems to make me feel more confident about life. There is something about the way he lives that I just find inspiring. The man has good taste too, very good taste.

 

The best time I had was certainly Friday, I had been harassing the nicest guy in our camp all week about kicking his ass in the Thunderdome. I don't know why, I just thought it was fun… sortof in the same vein as when I just had to have that snake (which of couse I now have). I don't know, doesn't everybody try to beat up people they like? Childish maybe but hey, we live on a fucking playground! So that day some death guild people came by and we gave them lemonade and they said they would let us cut the line if we come to fight... and then I realized we actually had to do it. That night, it was closed at first and we accidentally lost the rest of our campmates, perhaps we should of waited there, but burning man can be a bit distracting and we wandered some, going back and forth to places they might be, all the while having a very enjoyable time. At some point we saw that the thunderdome had people all over it and screams echoing out. So we got in the back of a long line and no more than a minuet later someone is screaming at us and people are pointing and yelling for us to go next. People start grabbing us into the dome, I am confused and scared, I look at Jon and want to say "just kidding lets just hug and find the others, we can make up some fantastic tale right?" but as a hot goth chick yells at me and rips of my jacket and necklaces I realize there is no way out and this is going to be fucking awesome! I am pulled to the side, as there is a fight going on in the middle, and people are screaming and yelling from literally every where around me save under my feet. I'm in a daze as the girl puts on the harness for me, and next to me Jon is having a similar experience as they yell "on your knees!" to Jon they tell me to sit down as the fight finishes up. Literally shaking with anticipation and the shock of being out on the friendly esplanade only moments earlier, I look at Jon apprehensively and he pushes me over, I of course retaliate but then I know, it's fucking on!  Suddenly the fight is over and people are cheering, I get clumsily directed towards the left side, somehow I had always imagined fighting on the right, but I wasn't going to let that throw me off. Two big dudes in black hook me in and say things that I couldn't focus on, I get the bat in my hand and grip it for dear life and suddenly the guys are running towards the side of the dome with me in hand and I am up in the air bat in hand and I think "wow how am I going to get down? I have no control and I am about to be hurtled at Jon, maybe I didn't think this through…" And so it was, I was flung at Jon head first, colliding his head into my soon to be bleeding nipple. Yes, we were quite drunk at this point in the night but that kind of pain and adrenaline is very sobering and as his dazed face looks up I attack. We both fought well, at times I figured I was mostly screwed but I put on my psychotic aggressive face as best I could and continued on. After the second round I hear the guy in front of me asks Jon if he can go another round because "she's beating your asss"! Obviously we go for it again and as they pull me back I am dreading yet another collision so I get a knee or foot down this time and try to hop over him but I guess he grabbed my harness and all can do is hit meagerly on his back side as he scrambles for his bat, luckily the fight ended before he could get the better of me and as the big dark man in the middle points is crazy leather staff at me, they tell me I won and I grab my stuff as fast as I can and jet out of there. It was an intense experience, accessing that kind of aggression and anger with another person, especially when they allow you to do so without guilt or holding back too much. It is a real friend that will fight you all out and then feel good about it after even when they loose. I guess I am a bad friend though I have fun flaunting injuries, I hope they know I really like it. I guess I am just a wussy masochist through and through. It was just a great night all around, I felt so alive and thankful for it. Sometimes you just want go home at night and find a friend all fucked up to mess with... and take care of, why doesn't that ever happen in the default world? I miss the playa already. Maybe on Halloween I should make some special licorice of my own and leave it at dark houses on the hill for unexpecting college and high school students to find… that would be hilarious!  On second thought though, maybe not ( ;   

 

...I was born to be deviant

I was born thinking I am smart than you

but every punch is filled with love

every scary mushroom tickle is for your enjoyment as well as mine

each time I cry I am thinking of You

my humility is filled with desire

my fear is filled with idealism

God I love the word nipple   

a little life update.

This week I slept a lot, no I mean a lot… and I am still tired. A bit delirious, maybe I have some sort of brain infection? Anyway, I’ve been spending time alone, not sure what I am supposed to do. Still trying to figure out how one should live as always… no big breakthroughs. Lets focus on the accomplishments though. Lets fuck and kill something. Here’s a list of things I have done in the last week:

Drove home from burning man

Finally got my bm stuff off my porch (except these two pillows that just won’t come in no matter what I do)

I wrote a resume and cover letter and sent it to a company. (I’m going to see how that works out before I go looking for some one else to send it to. I think if I just bank on shot one it will work out… I’m banking hard, you should too… come on bank for me damit)

Speaking of banks I walked into chase bake and told them to go fuck them selves in the form of “I would like to close my account” why? “because you SCREW OVER PEOPLE” It felt so good (no, they didn’t screw over me but they did screw over Seth and that’s just what friends do for each other, I will contemplate the status of said friendship later but for now he’s still my people).

I saw a movie, namely 310 to Zumi or Yumi or something it was good, Wash was in it, people cheered, he died… FUCK.

I got my volunteer homework done, read a bunch of papers, two of them quite good, and I made it to the meeting.

I also went to a party and got really really drunk, it was in prospect, which is weird. It was nice though because Mr. Bigelow brought pills to stop hangovers and it worked miraculously… woke up at 930 perkier than a morning boner… not that I get those.
It was a weird party though people from former place of employment including Mr. New CEO who laid me off. Then I was drunk and he was telling me how he is the one who saved burning man five years ago (he just moved here from Reno, some big venture capitalist) weird, but I love most of ‘em and I got really drunk so it worked out… now I am off topic though, instead of listing my accomplishments I am just editorializing them. Oh well that is pretty much all I have accomplished, actually seems like a lot to me.

Tomorrow is for making art and cleaning and kung fu and helping Shifu stamp promotion forms (this will be particularly painful and humbling… I really want that blue sash) helping my brother pack, and god willing I will feel up to all.

Oh yeah and Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet. This is weird, I am contemplating.

That was an odd one, and now it is time for chaos and communion, I need hugs people, hugs.


Much Loves.

and here is a burning  man video

Oh, my loves, I miss you...

This is a really boring blog so I'll start it with the video from my last blog. These are my fvorite people right now, my dp crew, burner camp mates, I wish they could come to Boulder.

Let me tell you about my day not because it was interesting, but because I'm bored and I feel like there is something I want to say.

 

I got up at 9 this morning, after about 6 hours of sleep, then I finally finished some art assignments and sent them off. I decided to actually buy lunch today since I have had no real meals in the last week and a half, save the snacks I steal from my parent's house and the food Heather so graciously makes for me. Next I watched part of Serenity for lack of a better movie and went to baby-sit Sky and Shen (it was nice and easy this time since Sky was sleeping and Shen is the sweetest baby on Earth). Then I came home and scrubbed the bathroom like a maid on meth until I got interrupted by my silly roomie who wanted to take a shower.

 

For dinner I went to the best Nepalese/Indian restaurant in the area with my daddy, ah yes, my dad… I never do anything with my dad. My mom is out of town this week trying to save my poor aunt from Chicago (long story) so I thought I'd be brave and see if he wanted to take me out to dinner. My dad is a lot like me, shy and quiet a lot of the time, very stubborn and while my mother tells me he worries about me like no other and I have him totally wrapped around my little finger, I just don't interact with him much, nor have I ever. My family is a bit shy and awkward and mom is the one that communicates between us all. So this was a bit odd, my dad is just the kind of man that works hard all day, comes home, watches tv, eats dinner, and goes to bed, waking up to repeat it over and over again nearly every day, often on weekends, the man works too much ): . Anyway, we drove up to the Kathmandu Restaurant in Nederland talking the whole way about the woman's world cup, which I didn't even know was going on, and then about burning man and other things. I get the sense my dad is getting more conservative and worried in his old age, I am concerned, I wish my parents weren't so old... I want to go have fun with them and make them happy, but it seems too late. Nederland is so nice though, it is such a great mountain town… I got out of the jeep and it was raining a little, the cold mountain air was crisp and smelled of campfire. The dim lights of houses perched high in the mountains reached up all around us, it just feels so good there. Inside, the restaurant looks like an old mountain bar, but with Hindu decorations all over and there was a stage where an old hippy played guitar all night. Not to mention the food is wonderful. Boulder has at least 8 Indian restaurants that I can think of right away, some have their good points, but this one wins overall. I of course had saag because who doesn't love that?! Spinach is one of the best foods ever in my opinion, I will only eat eggs if they have spinach, I will only eat salads if they have (or are entirely made out of) spinach, and I just think it is so fantastic, raw or cooked.

 

Tonight I also talked to my friend Jaymichael, he is so sweet, I think I am going to go to Denver tomorrow night and hang out with him. I also bought some really expensive broncos tickets… football is alright, but I have no idea why someone would spend that much to see a game, holy Christ! I bought them because my dad likes football well enough, but he would never spend money on tickets. I have missed his birthday for the past four years going to burning man and honestly, in my entire life, I have never got a present for the man that wasn't clothes or tools... nothing else ever! Every holiday it is whatever my mom says he needs or some tool I think is cool. That is so sad, and I always spend large amounts on my mom and buy her things she would never spend the money on herself like those nice bowl mixers that everyone has but cost at least 200 dollars or some really nice purse from a yuppie store on pearl street. Anyway, my dad loves me and I ignore him so I thought, what the hell, I have no money, so I better hurry up and buy them now. Especially since the thing about me is I see no point in paying to go to a football game, buying 80 dollar tickets, and watching a game stuck in the nose bleed section, don't get me wrong, I still got crappy seats, but they are more like 130 dollars a piece crappy and a level down. That is the thing about value that I don't get, why would you want to live your life tied up in the middle class, we are Americans for god sake, we can create our own value. I would rather fast for two days and eat at a really expensive restaurant then eat at noodles everyday. I would rather eat less food and be John Mackey's bitch (and I so am) then shop at king supers and buy generic food, I would rather buy all my clothes from savers and have a touch of prada then buy shit from department stores. You know, I hate living life in the generic realm, I want nice things and if I can't afford them I'd rather have a bunch of other shitty things that work well enough. In the end, you will live better this way. If you never just spend a shitload on something frivolous and get the best of the best you are going to be missing out, most likely you will never be rich so you need to pretend now and then. I guess this goes more for middle class people who wouldn't dream of flying first class, or who have never paid more than 30 dollars for a bottle of wine. My parents were poor hippies, but they were like magical money wizards, I mean my mom didn't work and my dad never made over 50k as far as I can tell, but we lived like queens ( :

(note, my parents have become a srange obsession of mine in the past three months... I guess since Heather's mom died, weird)  

My goal is to buy a brand new car of one of the shittiest varieties and pimp it out with navigation systems and playstation and the best speakers ever!  Sometimes people don't think they deserve nice things, and in this case it is best to start small… for example, buy the prada sunglasses and return them after two weeks, go to Wall-mart and borrow the most expensive tv they have for a month.  At some point you will realize that you deserve this stuff just as much, if not more than the asshole down the street. Don't go into debt though, you need to learn how to exist on nothing too, it is part of the practice. You can't get these things unless you suffer, even if you can afford them, then you are just another asshole with a paycheck. Haha, ok, I'll stop making shit up now, I need to stop contemplating money…

 

Wait one more sec…

money is so fascinating, it is the most powerful secular force on the planet, it comes with severe psychological and social taboos, it influences so many of our individual and social choices. It is interfacing with every aspect of our lives and challenging our views on everything, it breaths life into complex interrelations among peoples throughout the world. Yet it is so beautifully inanimate and impartial and few take the time to consider all the implications of our monetary system. Just wanted to take a moment and give love to moneys, the good and bad aspects, maybe someday we will be inspired to create a better monetary system but for now let's just stand back in awe.

 

…and done. 

Wow, my friends are so cool, and Em is so sexy! Someday, I am going to know how to tie fancy ties, and maybe if I am really lucky I can be a hot tie girl myself. So, Learn to tie a tie the sexy way, and digg it bitches.